Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
