god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
