I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize