my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
