Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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