So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
