It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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