She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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