STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
