So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
