dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
