..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
