OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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