Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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