6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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