Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
