therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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