My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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