the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
