I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
