Soap is not a condiment
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
