allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
