I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
