I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
