The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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