Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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