3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
