you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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