I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
