I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize