i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You were trust falling into bushes
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
