do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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