There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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