Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
