Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
