Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
