I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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