remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
