why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
