member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize