And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
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I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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