You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
