you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
