last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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