Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
