I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
