I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
