my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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