I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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