So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
ttyl tear gas
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
