my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
