I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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