Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
