I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
