TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
