Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
