i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
